Who shot Agent Scully with a blithering idiot ray?

From the Financial Post; Transcribed by Megan

Feb 20, 2001 - By Scott Feschuk

Sunday, 9 p.m., Global/Fox

Tonight's episode of Futurama chronicled the invasion of a menacing horde of gigantic brains, which employed a dastardly ray to transform the people of Earth into a bunch of blithering idiots. Kind of reminded me of how I feel after watching one of the "mythology" episodes of The X-Files.

I've been an enthusiast of this weekly broadcast narcotic since early in its debut season, but I could no sooner elucidate the program's vast alien conspiracy than I could explain the folliclular tenacity with which those few stubborn wisps of hair continue to adhere to the dome of Peter Mansbridge.

This much is clear, however: Agent Scully must also have fallen victim to Futurama's moron beam. How else to explain the fact that, despite being repeatedly conselled for eight years to "Trust no one," the veteran FBI agent opted in the course of a single episode to: trust the guy who claims his alien baby was heisted; trust her doctor; trust the U.S. Army(!); and trust the strange, black-clad men in the black SUV? I swear, they ever find the missing Agent Mulder and the first thing he's going to do is kick Scully's ass for that. Well, maybe first he'll watch some porn and make a veiled reference to his affinity for masturbation (as he seems habitually compelled to do). But right after that: Pow! Foot in Scully's caboose!

David Duchovny's enthusiastically hyped appearance on Sunday's show ended up coming in the form of a flashback, in which we learned (as we all suspected) that the mysteriously pregnant Scully enlisted Mulder to donate the sperm for her fertilization efforts. We also learned (as most of us didn't suspect but will now fib and say we did) that Mulder's fellas didn't take, a revelation that leaves in question the delicate matter of whether the father of Scully's baby will be dispatching his child-support cheques from beyond the Orion Nebula.

The preview for next week's instalment suggests the search for Mulder will at last reach fruition. As proof, we are treated to the image of a naked, slimy Duchovny awkwardly reclining in what is either a heinous alien contraption or the new La-Z-Boys CheekPiercer 5000.

Meantime, the Fox's announcer's voice gravely intones that it will be "the television event of the season." The drift is that all your questions will finally be answered. And if you believe that, you might want to take a quick look around the room: There's a gigantic, ray-emitting brain somewhere.

--Financial Post