Courtesy of Hiding In The Light; Author Unknown

1. "Never put anything up your nose not from this planet"

2. "Never hibernate under an escalator"

3. "To Mulder, it's a ritually beheaded corpse with fifth-degree burns, to the rest of us it's a Thanksgiving turkey."

4. "Score: Loggers-0, MonkeyWrenchers-0, Bugs-34."

5. "Have an alibi handy. The police won't believe that your dead ex-boss is responsible when everyone you dislike keeps being murdered."

6. "If time is not a universal invariant in your zip code, then your mail delivery may be somewhat erratic."

7. "A man with a thing about unsecured lines is either paranoid or calls 1-900-BONDAGE numbers."