Author: Katie Bob
Source: This joke was orginally posted through The Church of X's mailing list.

When in the course of television viewing fanatical events, it becomes necessary for X people to dissolve the television condemnation of The X-Files and all connecting people thereof.

We hold these truths to be totally obvious: · That all X-Philes are created crazy over the show in question

· That they are endowed by THE creator (Chris Carter, Almightyness) with certain rights or else he kicks butt; that among these are Trusting No One, Wanting to Believe, Fighting the Future, Searching for the Truth, Having Great *respect* for Agents in the search for Paranormal, and despising Alex Krychek (except for the few permitted to hold sacred his adorableness...:-) ), CGB Spender, Diana Fowley, and any other perpetrators worthy of their hatred.

· That, to uphold these rights, certain "governments" (fan clubs) are instituted among the Internet, deriving their just powers from the consent of fellow X-Philes.

· That when any form of Government (fan club) or FOX People who want everyone to go to the Official site become destructive and discourages other followers of these rights, it is the right of other X-Philes to force them to watch "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", and to institute new Government that is faithful to and upholds the powers of X.

· That all X-Philes are free to worship David D., Gillian A., Mitch P., Robert P., or others (just as long as they don't stalk them- you could get arrested... of course, it IS for a worthy cause.)

· That all X-Philes shall be free from the treacherous X-Haters, who do not obey and concur with the above statements. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world why disbelievers should be held in contempt by all worthy and wholesome who hold the above facts to be valid and lawful:
1. They have *sniffle* demerited those with true love for The show (aka making fun of my kick-ass hat...errrr)
2. They have tried to shut down the fan clubs...I mean, governments which pay homage to The show.
3. They have scoffed at The Revered David, Gillian, Robert, Mitch, and others and have made remarks to the effect of "No, he/she is NOT hot." lol
4. Certain "theys" have declared hatred for recently added cast members and have shown that they do not have reverance for all things of X.
5. They have insulted "government" members' hard work to preserve love for The show.
6. They have declared "I kinda like that Fowley woman..."
7. They have declared that the rules sanctioned by X people are unlawful and idiotic.
8. They enjoy listening to Gillian being dissed by Joan Rivers.
9. They do NOT turn on their televisions and break out in cold sweat every Sunday night.
10. They do not sit at their computers and actually make lists like this one.
11. They have a life and taunt those who prefer not to.
12. They do not know what the terms "MSR", "Shipper", "UST", and "Noromo" mean. Heck, they don't even know what a Phile is.
13. They have no respect that this is complaint #13. (and the time is 6:66...oh wait a sec...)

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Diana Fowley, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attention to our Phileless brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us and our web sites of ultimate glory. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our obsession and arrival here. We have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connection and correspondence, as well as our obsession. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of exanguinity.(WHAT in HECK do those big words mean?? :-) I just felt like writing exanguination in there instead of John Adams' or whoever those dead guys are's stupid word)

We, therefore, the Representatives of the X-Files Club of Calaveras County, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge (Chris Carter) of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by authority of the good People of these fixations, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Philes are, and of Right out to be Free and Independent people; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the disbelievers, and that all political connection between them and the State of Disbelieving, Uninformed Idiots, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent People, they have full power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent people may of right do, although if we decide to go with the whole war idea we'll kick their butts. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the Protection of Divine Providence and a little help from the FBI, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor to all things of X.